Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
