This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
