Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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