I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We left the knife in your bed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
