btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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