and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize