I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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