New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
