shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize