Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
birth control should be required to get into college
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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