Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
