I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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