Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
