I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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