Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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