The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
