careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
