Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think people are normalizing furries
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
