After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
