GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
