Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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