Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize