Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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