Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
