when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
