dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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