Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
