is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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