How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
