Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
