I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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