Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize