They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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