Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
