If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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