Yo dont text me then not text me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
