I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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