I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
