Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
