If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
