Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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