I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
