dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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