escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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