**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
