everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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