I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
