your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
