he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
