She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
