Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
