i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
