I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
