before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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