That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
