I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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