im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
