Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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