If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
