Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize