using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
