I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
