Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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