Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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