Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
