My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
