So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
