You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
